Finding Comfort in an Uncomfortable Situation

"Finding comfort in an uncomfortable situation....that's running, that's sports, that's yoga" - Gwen Lawrence, yoga teacher to the NY Giants and to me, in my living room, for over a year via her Yoga for Runners video

Maybe it's profound or maybe it's just that I've heard it a million times since I used to do Gwen's video every single week and have the whole thing memorized now, but that part has always stuck with me. Maybe it's just because it's one of those moments where I had to concede that gahh....she's right. Learning to be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. It's not just running, or sports, or yoga - it's life.

I did some workout rearranging this week (not skipping, just rearranging) which landed me with a speedwork 5k or, in other words, about 25 minutes worth of pain and suffering, on my schedule on Friday afternoon. Truthfully the speedwork part only came to fruition the day before when Alyssa told me she had just run a new 5k PR like the bosslady that she is, and I started to think about the shorter distance races that I have coming up and how maybe I too should think about picking up the pace for the first time in ages. So there I was, lacing up my running shoes, and all I could think about was when Jude Law is about to tell Natalie Portman that he's been cheating on her with Julia Roberts in Closer: "This will hurt." 

It was 6pm so the sun was still out, bright, radiating heat - it always amazes me how quickly the seasons change, how the days get infinitely longer overnight. I had a cramp in my stomach, most likely because I was hungry and I can never, ever get my timing right (eat too soon before a run...stomach hurts; eat too long before a run...stomach hurts) and from the very first step I knew that, yes, this will hurt. 

And it did. I was hot, my breathing was labored, every slight change in elevation felt like a mountain. I almost quit so many times. I was uncomfortable. 

Uncomfortable! That's all. Not in pain, not hurt, not injured, just uncomfortable. "There's no way I'm going to be able to run even another 5 seconds," I'd tell myself. Then 5 seconds would pass and I'd go through the same thought over and over again. I pushed through that uncomfortable feeling every time, for 24 minutes and 13 seconds. And despite not having done any speedwork in a few months, or running an average paces that were anywhere close to starting with a 7, I finished that run only 14 seconds slower than my PR. 

After my run I got cleaned up to go out for the beer that I had clearly just earned. I threw on a new pair of shorts and a cami from my spring/summer capsule and headed out. I've been meaning to take outfit photos for quite some time, but I haven't found a good place to take them in my comfort zone (i.e. my apartment and surrounding area). I tucked my camera in my bag, just in case I happened upon some mildly aesthetically pleasing place where I could snag a couple shots. Clearly I didn't think this plan through very well, because that place ended up being directly adjacent to the restaurant/bar I was headed to. The one with the outdoor patio. Where there were people standing, enjoying their beverages, with only a small parking lot between them and me.

Let me tell you a secret about taking outfit photos: it's hard and weird and super uncomfortable. I'm a little camera-shy anyway, actually I'm just shy in general, so I felt like a complete idiot having my husband snapping my picture in public, in front of strangers, for no discernible reason. For some reason I don't think I would have felt any better if they knew or if I had had the opportunity to express to them that the purpose of this random alley mini photo shoot was so that I could get pictures of the outfit I was wearing, which happens to come from this capsule wardrobe thing I do which involves having like a fraction of the number of clothes normal people have, so I could later post it on the internet because I'm weird and oooookay, bye. 

I find myself in uncomfortable situations a lot (anxiety will do that for you) and, to be honest, I'm the queen of avoidance. There are a lot of things I don't do simply because I know they will make me feel awkward or embarrassed or challenged or in physical discomfort and who in their right mind would choose to feel any of those things? Who would willingly put themself in that situation? I'm working on it. In the grand scheme of things, running a 5k pace I didn't think I was capable of and taking my picture for 5 minutes in front of strangers isn't that big of a victory, but it's something. It's a couple steps out of my comfort zone, which is a couple more steps than I usually take.