Identity.

As has happened a few times in the past, I've decided to put Sunday Sweats on the back burner for now. Not only am I burned out on writing them, but I don't even like going back and reading them either, which is kind of why I write them in the first place. Instead, I thought I'd start sharing tidbits from my training - hardships I'm struggling with, motivational things that happen along the way, whatever. I even thought I'd come up with some cutesy and/or alliterative name for these posts but then I remembered I'm not that creative. With that said, I bring you...

I came into triathlon 2.5 years ago with 2 years of running experience, 1 year of cycling experience, and no formal swim experience. So, while I may not have been an expert in any of the 3 disciplines, running was the frontrunner and, therefore, I've always viewed running as my best discipline. Maybe not my easiest or my fastest, but the one I knew I could make it through. I've carried that attitude with me throughout the last 12 weeks of half Ironman training, but maybe I shouldn't. Because if I've struggled with anything over the last 12 weeks, it's been the run.

Truthfully, I've never identified as a triathlete. I'm not sure why. I'm decent at swimming, decent at cycling, decent at running, and even fairly decent at putting all 3 together. I love the way racing tris makes me feel. But there's something about triathlon, as exciting as it is, that also feels like a lot of stress and a lot of pressure. It's tough to constantly juggle 3 different sports, to train for essentially the half-marathon equivalent (or more) of each one of them. I feel like I have no focus because I'm constantly shifting from one activity to the next.

Over the last couple of years, however, especially when I stared running longer distances, I have started to identify as a runner. I've gotten to the point where I will go out and run 5 miles at an 8:30 pace even when it's so cold that ice droplets form in my eyelashes so...yeah, I'm a runner. 

Except, since I've started training for my first long distance triathlon, I've lost my identity as a runner. I don't run long distances anymore - the longest runs on my plan are 10-12 miles (which, yes, is a long distance but it's not the distance I'm use to running when I'm, say, marathon training), and except for a few, it's been a serious struggle getting through them. I don't run fast anymore either. Sometimes I think about the paces I was running a year ago and they feel like they were total flukes. It is incomprehensible to me that just under a year ago I could run a half marathon at an 8:20 pace. Today I'd be lucky to run one at a 9:20 pace. I'd like to think that that's because now I spend the day before long runs pedaling my life away on my bike instead of resting like I normally would, but I can't know for sure.