That autumn air, that season I longed for with every drop of sweat that ran down my face this summer...it's finally here. September might hold both the unofficial and official starts to fall, but October is the first full month of it, the first one with more sweater days than not, the one when we can light our fall-scented candles without any judgment that it's too soon. And this year, it's bringing with it not only relief from the dog days of summer, but it's bringing so many more things I've been anticipating for so long.
It's only been five days, but October has already made me another year older. On the 2nd I turned 29, an age I've been oddly awaiting for as long as I can remember. When I was younger I always thought I would have kids by now, since 29 is the age my mom was when she had me. In fact, I was born less than two weeks after her 29th birthday. As for me, two weeks after my 29th birthday I'll be gearing up for my first full Ironman which, as it turns out, is the perfect juxtaposition to symbolize the difference between my mom and me. So, a birthday I've been weirdly anticipating forever has come and gone, and I'm not sure what that means, but so far nothing has changed.
This month brought the peak weekend of my iron year and, immediately following it, the long-awaited, simultaneously best and worst part of the training cycle: taper time. This time when I should be backing off and feeling rested and recovered and excited and ready for the big day has me anything but. A quick look back reminds me that I've been around this block a few times before and shouldn't be surprised that I can't concentrate and I don't feel the least bit prepared for this monumental task. So far I've developed a random pain in my foot and purchased three pair of running tights and a cycling jersey that I probably won't need, so you could say I'm tapering right on schedule.
This October is more special than all the other Octobers, because this is the one that will bring race day. Ironmam race day. The longest race day I will have ever had - and I anticipate it staying that way. In this season and this month when I should feel so much joy and celebration, I'm consumed by fear and anxiety over how the next 16 days will play out. I'm reminded that sometimes it just takes a while for the good to be good, and that this will be good. It has to. I have worked too hard and come too far and no matter how short I may fall in race day, I'll already be light years ahead of where I'd ever thought I'd be just by making it to the start line.
Since my birthday and the real start of fall happen at the beginning of this month, it's always felt like more of a new year to me than the actual New Year. So with glass raised (filled with water since I'm swearing off alcohol until my post-race beer), I say cheers. Cheers to beginnings and endings and the last year of my 20s and rest and hard work and then more rest and the culmination of my iron year. Cheers to it all.
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